Arf.

Yep, I wasn't kidding. August is crap so far. Work is not good (but could be worse), money is not good (but could be worse), and home isn't exactly terrific at the moment (Dan's now working two jobs, the time-suckage is enormous, and balancing me with his family is tough, to say the least). I just want to be 50 lbs lighter, like I'm sposed to be, and have one day with enough time and bucks so I could go to the mall and look for an outfit and go to the used bookstore-without getting lost-and misbehave a little bit there, and maybe go to a girly movie in the afternoon when no-one's there, and not feel guilty after about any of it. That's all I want. To not be tired and sad and sick for no reason, and broke on top of that, and making everybody dislike me cuz I'm a horrible Debbie Downer. Then again, at least 3/4 of the people at my job are in the same position, so at least I have company, right? And a job to commiserate over in the first place. Lucky me! (No, really, I am, and I know it. Being "broke-but-hey-did-you-see-the-fancy-cell-I-got-for-free-with-my-contract-renewal?" ain't ezactly Darfur). Here, let's all have an AWESOME happy song:

workin' for that Yankee dollar

You know, pineapple rum and Orange Coke (don't argue with the nomenclature, I'm Southern) do NOT mix well. I tried it blendered with cantaloupe and... um... that green kind of melon (?), but that's basically a waste of likker. Does get your fiber in, though.

I'm freakin' exhausted. Slept 'til noon today, been crashing at like 7 every night. We've had 5 or 6 new offers drop at work in the past week, and the calls have been balls-out back to back every day. I wouldn't mind so much except that your talk time counts against your sales, and nearly every call has been modifying existing bookings, which doesn't help my numbers one bit. Argh!

There's family drama going on too, but I won't get into that here- it's just annoying that August is always the dog days of my year, and this isn't shaping up to be any exception.

Whew!

We're okay for the moment, house-wise. Thank God, and Dan. Went to the MK today, then the pool, then for a darn good dinner. I iz tired. And sunburned, but I look better browner, so that's kinda good.

Oh, holy crap.

So, it's a good thing I got the lease on the new apartment started early, cause my inadvertently deadbeat brother isn't coming up with any rent at all this month, and we're quite possibly getting chunked out of this place. F--in bummer, man. Everything was looking pretty good, and now.... shit. Of course Dan's horribly pissed and wigged out about his credit rating and about a sudden kamikaze move (damn, that's exactly what I didn't want!), and I'm frantically hitting loan websites trying to get some help with the sitch, which isn't working so far. Family is family, but dammit.... this is so far from okay.

On top of that, I impulsively got all my hair chopped off yesterday by a different (cheaper) lady than usual, and it's... not fabulous. She was the type who thinks her idea of what your hair should be is better than your own, and, well, it wasn't. Oh well, it'll grow, and I can pull it back in the meantime. It's sorta like this, when Hana chops off all her hair in "The English Patient," only chin length and curlier. And more like Prince Valiant. :(

My mommer'n'em get here today, which is nice, I'm just hoping I can get into a halfway decent mood to hang out with them. Argh. Bad words. Argh!

Chicken counting

I've been kinda obsessing about the new apartment I'm hoping to get approved for. Worried as anything about my awful credit score, but not enough to keep me from cruising Ikea and Target for stuff I want, some of which we really do need. The new house is just so pretty, so much nicer than the one we've been in for two years- and cheaper, for loads more space- not to mention being ten minutes away so I don't have to learn another bloody confusing neighborhood down here. (How you can start on a road that goes east, never leave that road, and end up going west I will NEVER understand). Anyway, I'm waiting to see what happens with the apartment application. Very tenterhook-y feeling.

Trying to distract myself with plans for the next two weekends- I get to do stepmom-type stuff this week, then family stuff next, both at the FEP I work for. Should be fun.

Ew, it's all sticky!

Warning: totally random post.

Admittedly, I'm More Girl than I used to be (and trying to accept that that's okay, and maybe not entirely my fault), but I don't sweat like this unless it's August, or I'm doing major physical labor. Our air conditioner's been M-O-O-N spells dead since last night, and it's 85 degrees in here. The repair guy just finished fixing the thing, so I'm on the floor under the vent waiting for it to have some effect.

My mom and sisters are coming down to the Famous Expensive Place I work for at the end of the month again- I got the room booked yesterday. It'll be fun, but I hope I can keep up with them. It's not the speed they move at (I'm faster by myself), but they don't believe in stopping for naps, and I totally do.

Speaking of stamina, I'm to see my nice shrink on Tuesday, cause my meds are pissing me off. I've been trying to make a coherent list of concerns, like Responsible Patients are sposed to do, and no matter how I re-write it, I keep coming to the same conclusion: the drugs help, but maybe I'm just an irritable asshole by nature, and we can't fix that (at least, not if I take genetic examples into consideration). It really sucks when your brainstew is off enough so that researching ways to maybe adjust it makes you hyperventilate. Then again, you try reading about GABA receptors and whatnot when you just wanna know what to try next and see how you feel. Sometimes I wish beer were the answer. :)

Well, damn.

My grandma up and died this morning.

Thank goodness that's over!

The holiday drive, that is. Went up to mom's Tuesday, got in one set of grandparents, did Christmas stuff yesterday morning and caught the other set of grandparents on my way back to Orlando. Got home about four and ate every single thing from my stocking plus leftovers in one fell, bloat-inducing swoop, then spent twelve hours in a cheese-and-chocolate-and-cashew-and-shrimp stupor. Gah, you can tell when I'm worried about money- I'll eat anything that isn't furry. At least I got really good presents this year, that's nice. I slacked re: work today, figure it's ok since crazy season is about to start and I'll be living in the friggin' place for two months- if I don't end up in the loony bin.

Thanksgiving, woo!

Short morning at work, Monty Python on the Beeb, wings-n-beer with my brother, only two more weeks 'til my birthday. Not so bad.

'Scuse me while I whip this out

Just got into politics with me ma. Damn it, I hate talking about "issues"! She's pretty conservative, I'm pretty liberal, and it's just so much better not to go there and make everybody uncomfortable. I feel really guilty, which is stupid cuz I think what I think. I tend to have trouble openly disagreeing with people, no matter how peaceable the conversation is. Today has been a very bad side effect day, which doesn't help. Good things, too, though: I had a fantastic dinner last night- Dan made bacon-wrapped shrimp and nice little steaks- and I've got just a little more work on the Lovett skirt and I'll be all done- yay, surf 'n'turf and halloween costumes!

I can haz ego boosties?

So today was a "Damn, I look pretty good!" day. My grey britches are finally loosey-goosey, my cheekbones looked sharp, all I needed was some eyeliner and a lipgloss, and... it all worked. No credit to me, it's all in the genes (Happy Birthday, Mommy!).

And then I got propositioned, which is always nice. I freaking LOVE getting asked out properly by a man with sense. Shoot, I don't even have an opinion on the fella in question, but I'm happy to have met a second man in Orlando (in over a YEAR) with some skill in dealing with us hoochies. And, like I said, just being asked is nice, just cuz.

Woke up this morning

It's pretty much a requirement to be big on family when you're Southern. Sometimes I get wistful about being thirty, unmarried, and childless- this isn't what I planned on. But then I spend a day with the posse.... and when I leave I get in my car, and turn on music I don't have to explain the lyrics to, and drive to a quiet house where there are adult shows on tv and adult books (not that kind!) on the shelves, and I think, "You know, there are worse things...." After twelve years on my own, I can safely say that I really kinda like my life as it is. Can a girl be a confirmed bachelor? Hm... probly not 'til at least thirty-five.


I'm miserably tired, so used Eldest's Privelege today. Got my peeps into the AK, and now I get to take a nap and a looong hot shower and chill at the fancypants resort pool until time to take Caroline to MGM tonight. Feel bad for missing out on family time, but after yesterday's discovery that my middle sis is Going Through a Phase, and my ensuing difficulty keeping my temper (I feel like a jerk, but jeez, it was ridiculous!), they may have a better time without me. My ma's right- when you've got a 43-year age range, people are just not gonna want to do all the same stuff. Wish there were time to have done something with just my mom, but there's no way on such a short trip. Maybe next time. Christmas shopping or something. I'm glad to have seen them, glad to have a job with perks they can take advantage of, and amused that I'll be better able to point out plus-and-minuses to the people I book for work. I have a new key question for the big groups I book: whether they're Weekend Warriors, or people who go on vacation to relax. I have a feeling I'm gonna be able to help 'em plan much better options just based on that. Woo-hoo! Actually, I mean that- it's a major point of pride to be as helpful as possible so they'll have a nice trip. Yeah, I'm a dork.

Need...more...sleep!

This is not the best week to have a jacked-up sleep schedule. My peeps got into town today- got 'em checked into a nice room almost directly across the water from Cindy's castle, played at the pool, ate pretty good free food (well, they call it free- it's included with the club level), went to work for two hours, and now I need to crash and can't. The MK is open for 16 hours tomorrow, and I expect to be there for quite a few of 'em, then we've got the AK and MGM on Wednesday, plus a side excursion at some point so Biggest Little Sis can get in the rides at Epcot she missed last time.... I need to get bonked over the head asap, or I'm gonna be passing out on the dark rides. ARGH. Not gonna get to add to yesterday's post anytime soon, either- too busy, and still thinking over the elements of the "Eureka!" in question. NBD, it'll be there when I get to it, right?

Boombastic, tell me fantastic

Something very unusual just happened. I woke up happy. Not worrying about my six-dollar paycheck, not sad about the nonsense intelligent men come up with, not moltogrosso about my weight. I can deal with money stuff, men ain't nuttin' but a hobby, and my weight is dropping steadily. I don't need fixing, I don't owe apologies- thank you very much, I'm rockin'! My mum and sisters will be here next week, and I'm really looking forward to that, and- don't tell anyone, it's just a thought, but.... I'm kind of, sort of thinking about considering getting back in school. Kinda. I'm tired of people giving me the "you're too smart to _______" speech, tired of working dead end jobs, and I hate never having finished my worthless degree when I'm still paying for it. So... maybe. I just looked outside, and it's beautiful, all I hafta do is decide whether to go to the AK or to the pool, or the pool and then maybe the MK for fireworks. I can do anything I want, without consulting anyone for input. I own myself again, and it's about time. So I'm cranking up the beach music, highdosing on caffeine, grinning from ear to ear. If ya wanna call me today, ya better be happy too.

(Later)
GUESS WHAT? I just put on my swimsuit (aka The Ugliest Garment Ever, aka The Fat Tent), and the top is loose! Like, trying-not-to-fall-out loose! I may have to buy another one this summer! YESSS!